My Journey to Recovery

Imagine this… going from being so fit, training endlessly, completing ironman events to suddenly having no energy, no desire to exercise, socialise, work or do the things that make you, you. Not because you no longer want to but you feel so fatigued you can barely get yourself out of bed. That was me after Kona Ironman 2022 and if you care to follow along I’m going to share snippets of my journey to recovery to date…

October 2022

I got back from an amazing 3 weeks in Hawaii - yes, Kona wasn’t the race I wanted it to be and I blamed that on having Covid 2 weeks prior although really it was probably the 4 illnesses and injuries I got prior to covid that really dug the hole, covid was the nail in the coffin. I got back to Sydney and attempted to get back into ‘exercise’ but realised something wasn’t right... My heart rate was through the roof when exercising but I continued to plod and push through, not thinking too much of it and brushing it off as “I’m just unfit”. I still had this hazy fatigue feeling every minute of the day but I also decided that it must be due to “long covid” and hoped it would wash over me soon enough… oh how wrong I was…

Relief/exhaustion etched on my face at the finish line in Kona.

November 2022

The first things I noticed was getting so tired at work that I was zoning out on what patients were telling me. My eyes were heavy and I felt like I could close my eyes and fall asleep sitting bolt upright, clearly not fully present. I’d often have searing headaches that no amount of hydration, sleep or paracetamol could fix. 3-4 coffees a day became the norm just to get me through. I could feel my legs burning when squatting down to analyse patient squat form and when walking upstairs or uphill I felt like I’d run a marathon when I had done nothing. Whilst exercising I had chest tightness and a high heart rate which didn’t correlate to the amount of effort I was applying. Often when driving home from work I’d find myself staring into space, not ideal when you need to be concentrating on the road. I could only explain it as being on low battery without the ability to recharge. I decided that maybe a change in job/roles was what I needed so I dropped to part time to give myself some breathing space. I quickly realised that not only was I not making enough money, it wasn’t helping with my symptoms. 

December 2022

I started to investigate what was going on as I thought I would have recovered from “long covid” by now - I took myself to the GP to see if they had any insight… Over the next few months I tried inhalers for the chest tightness and shortness of breath, a chest xray to rule out any lung scarring and had some blood tests. The only thing to come up was low iron and I was so hopeful this was the cause of all my problems. Off I went to get an iron infusion thinking this would solve everything but weeks went by and I still felt exactly the same. So disappointing and back to the drawing board. 

January/February 2023

Whilst I still had no clue what was going on, I decided that I needed to get my arse in gear and start training for Geelong 70.3 in March, I had entered before any of this had started. I kept thinking I was being lazy and just needed to start pushing but that didn’t go very well. My body continued to resist and if anything I got worse. A common theme was waking up feeling like an absolute log. Although I was doing everything right in terms of recovery - I was sleeping well over 8 hours, I had cut out alcohol and I was eating well. I had even tried having 2 weeks off exercise completely (something I never do!). Nothing seemed to help and I started to get really frustrated.

March 2023

Everything got a bit too much and I pulled out of Geelong 70.3 (and transferred to Cairns in June) as there was no way at that point that I was going to complete a half ironman. Instead I made a spontaneous decision to fly home to Scotland 5 days later in order to give myself a mental health break. I was constantly surrounded by people exercising and going about life with energy the way I wanted to and it made me so sad that I couldn't. I wasn’t getting the same fulfilment from work as I used to and I felt stale. I couldn’t see a way forward and thought a few weeks at home might reset my system, give me a change of scenery and some home comforts. They say “home is where the heart is” and to me Scotland will always be that place. I’m so lucky to have parents who are caring and would do anything for me - this helped massively and I was able to completely switch off from work and properly rest my mind/body. I started meditating and immersing myself in nature, which is very easy to do in Scotland!

April/May 2023

I came back from Scotland feeling refreshed and prematurely thought the trip had cured me. I was noticing small changes; I was feeling more awake, more alive and more energised for the first time in a long time! Therefore, I started to ramp up the training in prep for Cairns; I was managing more volume and intensity but I was still experiencing heaviness and a lead-like feeling in my legs at what should have been an easy pace. My first race since Kona was Club Champs in Forster which is always a great time and the after party was definitely the best part! It felt good to be back out there but I was nowhere near where I should have been. I knew that I wouldn’t suddenly be back to my best so I looked at the positives that I was able to race and use it as practice for Cairns. The week after, I started feeling unwell with a sore throat, swollen glands and the fatigue had come back. I took a few days off work/training to recover and it helped with the zonked feeling but I still had this ongoing low key sore throat and swollen glands that I thought would go away.

June/July 2023

I raced Cairns 70.3 - not my finest performance after feeling under par for the 8 months prior. I knew something wasn’t right when I couldn’t push my body on the bike or run like I knew I could. My average HR was 182bpm for the half marathon and it didn’t correlate to the pace I was going. I finished absolutely spent. I qualified for Finland World Champs in the process and began a 4 week build in my training. My training was going relatively well although I was in denial about how I felt. I kept telling myself that the next week I’d feel better but I didn’t. The sore throat and swollen glands since before Cairns were still there so I consulted a GP who told me there was nothing wrong and that you can get mild irritation in your throat from breathing in dust. This gave me a false sense of security so I continued to push my body until 1 run I felt like a complete lead, my body would literally not take another step. I consulted my coach and we decided I needed a recovery week although this never helped, it seemed like there was something more going on than being tired from training. Recovery week after recovery week and I felt the same if not worse. I was steadily slipping back into a state of unrelenting fatigue. 

The 182bpm avg HR that led to me feeling like the picture on the right.

August/September 2023

I consulted a different GP who did some viral bloods which showed I had a recent infection with EBV/Glandular fever which explained the sore throat and swollen glands. We decided that pulling back from training was going to be the way forward. I trialled different supplements, taking everything from CBD oil to lion's mane in the hopes that it would cure me (to no avail). I was also told that I should pick a different sport as "triathlon is too hard on the body" and that I should try some “fartlek” training. This wound me up big time… no one should be told that they should pick a different sport. This is one of the reasons I was so determined to make it back no matter what as perseverance is in my blood. I made the difficult decision to pull out of World Champs in Finland as I knew I was in no state mentally or physically to compete. I went over to support anyway which was so hard as all I wanted was to be in their shoes, competing my damn heart out but I knew I couldn’t. However, it was amazing to support so many friends out there! 

Supporting Dany, Lydia & Sarah (& others not pictured) At World Champs

Coming back from overseas, I started a new job in a company that I had dreamed of working for ‘The Running Room’. I’d be treating people very similar to myself, who had goals and enjoyed pushing themselves. I was so excited about this new opportunity but it worried me that I was starting whilst in a bad space mentally/physically. I’d come to work feeling like a zombie most days but I’d push myself through and try to remain present when all I could think about was how tired I was and about the sore throat, swollen glands and searing headaches that encompassed me almost everyday. I’d come home exhausted hoping that tomorrow would be the day I’d wake up with a new lease of life. It was a pretty depressing time for me and I didn't want to say how I was truly feeling, especially to people I didn't know yet. I blamed glandular fever for the cause of my fatigue and 'meh' feeling but really I knew there was more going on.

October 2023

1 year on from Kona and I was still struggling to get out of bed, not wanting to exercise, not wanting to be social; all purely because I had no energy. Waking up in the mornings I continued to have an internal battle with myself trying to decide if I was being lazy or if my body was actually tired. I ran the Bondi to Manly relay (which I had signed up for ages ago and didn’t want to let the team down) with only a handful of runs under my belt. I was in denial prior to this race and thought I’d be okay just "running slow". The race was brutal mentally and physically, pushing myself up inclines and trails with my HR at 170 going 7:00km/hr pace… it hit me that my body was not right and that it was probably screaming for me to stop but my inner stubbornness wouldn’t let it. This was a lesson that I couldn’t just whip out an 18km trail run with no training, let alone in a ‘fried’ state. I was dead for an entire week after and I felt like I was now on a constant 25% battery and needed recharging but no matter how much sleep and rest I had, the battery did not charge.

Some very painful running at the Bondi to Manly relay...

November 2023

I don’t think I’d ever cried so much as I had in the past few months, mainly tears of frustration and letting out pent up emotions. It felt tiring to cry but good to let it go and out into the world instead of building up inside me like a pressure cooker. I had a handful of friends and family who I spoke to about what was going on for me and they were extremely supportive. They helped me get out of the monotony of feeling like a hamster in a wheel on the same trajectory. I went camping and up to Shoal Bay to get my mind out of Sydney as I felt like a change of scenery would help.

I didn’t tell everyone what was going on for me as I wasn’t sure everyone would understand. From the outside I probably seemed fine but on the inside I was crumbling and was just trying to make it through each day without breaking down. Although I was talking about it I didn’t feel like anyone truly understood what I was going through until I had a conversation with my friend Joyce which changed everything. She told me that the symptoms I was struggling with sounded very similar to something her friend had gone through, chronic fatigue. I started researching it in the hopes I’d get myself out of this hole. I trailled visualisation, meditation, listening to podcasts on neuroplasticity and retraining the brain. I was using every free moment I had to figure out how to recover. It became obsessive!

Camping with Alix! Shoal Bay with Sophia & the Lorikeets!

December 2023

I took the matter into my own hands as my GP had pretty much said there was nothing that could be done apart from waiting but I wasn’t happy with that answer as I had waited long enough. The research I’d done suggested psychology could help so I sought out a psychologist, however, my first attempt ended up being a dud as I left with more questions than answers when I was told that I should see an integrative 'woo woo' GP who costs $500! I didn’t let this stop me and this time I selected a wonder woman who specialised in fatigue type symptoms. Just speaking to her about my story was helping and I felt like she truly understood me. She said she could help, thank goodness! She described what I had been through as my body being “small t” traumatised by doing Kona Ironman with covid. My body’s response was to make me stop. I had gone into a constant state of fight or flight without even knowing it. I needed to learn strategies to help my body out of this state which is easier said than done. 

This is where the Lightening Process came into play. A 3 day training program to help you notice whenever you are in a non-life enhancing state of mind and help you get out of “the pit”. I pride myself on my positivity but I hadn’t realised how loud the negative self-talk was inside my head. It was almost constant in everything I was doing; ‘Why are you so slow?” “Why are my legs burning?” "Why is your heart rate so high?" Over Christmas I did my first 100km ride in over 6 months and although tiring it felt good to get it done. I had some useful phrases to use when I noticed myself veering towards the negative, I'd chant “strong, healthy, fit & fast” over and over in my head. Maybe I was coming back and could get out of this? I did another 125km ride and decided I was committing to training for Port Mac Ironman! 

January 2024

New Year and ready to get stuck into some solid training again, managing 100km+ rides and feeling good during it and having energy after as well. I was starting to make a comeback and this time I believed it. 9 days into the new year I started to feel a more intense sore throat along with feeling hot and cold and tender to touch - I questioned whether these were my longer term symptoms or whether this was something more acute. I decided to do a RAT test and low and behold Covid was back. I didn’t get up to exercise that morning which is a huge win for me, normally I would have pushed through and put myself back in a hole. Covid didn’t have the same impact on me this time, I bounced back after some rest and started smashing some of my biggest training loads since pre-Kona! Wowee - how fascinating & incredible the human body is. I did bike efforts for the first time in a long time and they felt damn fine. Oh how I love pushing the limits of my body.

Sarah, Lydia and I tackling the 3 gorges

February 2024

I was continuing to feel good and managing some solid training weeks. My body and mind were in such a good place. I continued to practice what I had learnt from my psychologist and the lightening process to calm my nervous system and treat myself with kindness and compassion. My running legs were coming back and I was being very patient with zone 2 HR training. It was hard to start with especially when I was running at 6:30 pace but it started to pay off. The benefit of Z2 running is that you reduce the stress on your body compared to running too hard all the time and thus recover faster and are able to perform better in fast/hard sessions. To think that I wasn’t even running in December made me so proud of myself for getting here. I was so impressed with my ability to persevere and fight for my body and mind. I got back to running at a cruisey pace of 5:30s with HR under 150. I could see myself coming back each day; I was fully present at work, could train as I wanted and had energy to go out again and have beers without it ruining me! Perseverance and trust in the process had been key. 

March 2024

However, it wasn’t always sunshine and daisies. I had moments where I could feel my energy drop, I struggled to wake in the morning and I started to drift backwards especially when tired from training. I questioned whether this was ‘my fatigue’ or just ordinary fatigue. Although I’d always take a step back and use what I had learnt to put myself in a better state. One of the key learnings in all of this was that I always have the choice to place myself in a state of mind that I desire. That’s how powerful the mind is. It’s not an easy thing to do but it can be done. 

I experienced my first little niggles during training in my abdominals/pubic bone and ITB. I approached them with caution, although I was on the verge of tears when my ab/pubic bone started to hurt. I’ve experienced osteitis pubis in the past and this felt very similar. It sidelined me for months so I was worried this would be the same. However, I very calmly reminded myself of where I was just a few months ago. You’ve come so far and you’re not going to let this stop you. I have this ‘Little Book of Joy’ book that my friend Alix gave to me which helps so much in these moments. “If you fill your life with joy there will inevitably be less space to pack with melancholy and despair. Think of joy as a bodily barrier to negativity” and with a little TLC the ab niggle never eventuated nor did the ITB.

April 2024

One of the most memorable moments of April was a 200km ride to Wollongong on the Easter weekend. It’s up there with one of the most epic days out ever (yep, I’m sad)! Back in December, MC attempted this ride and I didn’t even contemplate it with how I was feeling at the time. This was my longest ride ever and after a pretty crazy full on weekend of training and socialising too, I was pretty chuffed! 

The crew who made the Wollongong return

My physio and tri coaching work has been insanely busy over the past few months but I’ve been enjoying it so much. It helps when the people I work with are invested in their own health and have inspiring goals. It also helps when I have the energy to be present and give my all to them. One of the most challenging things in this build to IM has been juggling my own training, training others, being on my feet all day, trying to have a social life and keeping my mind in equilibrium! I have learnt so much about myself in the past few months and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t change a thing!

May 2024

The ‘journey’ to the Ironman is the thing that’s been most important to me in all of this, not the actual race or how I perform (although a good result would certainly be nice!). This journey has been all about getting ‘me’ back and resurrecting me from what I thought was going to be forever. It’s been about rekindling my love for my job, for socialising and for exercising/pushing my body to the limits and that’s exactly what I’ve done. The mind is a powerful beast and I’ve learnt so much about it over the past few months. I'm so glad I took the leap for my own wellness and invested in my mental health as I would not be at this point today without doing so. It wasn't easy and I had work damn hard everyday (and still do) to get myself out of "the pit". To everyone that helped me along the way, I can’t thank you enough! Now I’ll get to step on the start line of the IM in a few days when only 4 months ago I didn’t think it would be possible. No matter the result, I know that I’m back stronger than ever!

Last ride in Sydney pre-PMac - caught by Kimmy!

If you got this far, thanks for reading and I’ll see you on the other side!

If you want to leave a comment, feel free to do so or if you’ve ever experienced anything like the above and want to reach out I’d be happy to chat :)

Sal x